Death’s Sweet Embrace
by Team Graecisso
Summary: Edward P.o.V Oneshot- New Moon spoliers. Just drenched with pain.


-1Death's Sweet Embrace

By Pi-Rho Graecisso

Dedicated to Omega Graecisso, Without whom, I couldn't live.

I don't own these characters. Hop off.

[Set in chapter 17 of New Moon.]

"Swan residence," Jacob Black answered the phone, his voice heavy and harsh.

"This is Dr. Cullen. May I speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here. He's at the funeral."

"Thank you." I managed to choke out.

I hung up the phone. That settled it, then. Rosalie had been telling to truth. What had driven my Bella to suicide? She promised. She had promised me her safety. All this time I was agonizing over the monsters like myself and Victoria that could harm her- when in reality I should have considered the dangers she posed to herself.

In truth, I thought life could not be more painful than the horrendous moments I spent trying to stay away from Isabella Swan. How mistaken I was. Bella had walked into my world, innocent, young, and beautiful, and just as easily, she had disappeared from it. All of my efforts to protect her were utterly useless. What was she thinking? I had never felt more a man in all of my undead years. The pain was unbearable, and it was incredibly hard for a vampire to kill himself. We were made to be indestructible, after all.

But there was no doubt in my mind. Kill myself, I would, but the question was how. I could not think about the consequences of abandoning my family. We were a fragmented family now, anyway. No feeling of remorse that they could harbour for me could ever hope to match the torrent of emotion overcoming me now. I would have to change my plans constantly to be successful. Alice would undoubtedly be watching. A plan formulated in my mind as various methods of self destruction flashed their way across my mind. I winced, Alice would be seeing all of them. Soon, though, I would stop her worrying. Soon it would be over, and I could rot in hell where I most certainly belonged, as all the soulless do.

My mind skimmed through mine and Bella's short past. The Meadow. Lunch time. Biology. Carlisle's Study. I thought of the painting that she was so interested in, and in it, I had found my answer. The Volturi. As opposed as I was to their very existence, they could serve their purpose to me now. I would ask Aro for death. If Aro refused, I would draw much attention to myself right outside their home. They would dispose of me immediately. There was a chance of torture, and I laughed with the blackest of humour, finding myself not only indifferent, but welcoming the pain.

It was hot. Possibly what I once would have considered unbearable heat. The canopy of the trees protected me from the blaring sunlight. The humidity, however, sat on my chest. It was an additional weight which I didn't need- an extra pain I wondered what I'd done to deserve. I'd have liked to believe I'd tried everything I knew of, exhausted every resource possible to keep Bella safe. To simply allow her to remain human. Was that too much to ask for? Wasn't that what I was supposed to do? What was expected of me?

I ran towards Rio, the ground wet beneath my feet. There was a jaguar in a nearby tree. The thought of provoking him crossed lazily through my mind. If I didn't put up a fight, controlled my urge to struggle, the animal could easily tear me apart. But he couldn't burn me, couldn't completely end my pathetic existence. So I pushed onwards, towards the airport, towards Voltura, towards the end.

On my way to Italy, I found myself considering jumping out of the plane. Creating a hole would put all of the passengers at risk, which I couldn't do. It wouldn't hurt to picture though, to throw Alice from my plan. Even if I had the ability to cry, I was beyond tears. Bella's intoxicating scent was haunting me, along with the soft feel of her hair, the blush of her cheeks, the taste of her lips.

My knuckles glowed white as I crushed the armrest of my first-class chair. If ever my vampire nature was to come out, it should have been then. I should have wanted to cause pain and strife to everyone in my path. To channel some of this impossible fear and sadness and anger into them. I did not. All I desired was a release. An escape.

It was a pained effort to put one foot in front of the other, though now, perhaps because of my close proximity to finality, I was moving easier. The air in Rome seemed less heavy, easier to inhale, and every step I took brought me closer to my death.

I stole a car. The first one I could get my hands on. A familiar Volvo, though it was large and boxy, very akin to a station wagon. I smiled humourlessly as I imagined what my past self would say if Alice had told him that he'd drive to his death in this hunk of style deprived metal. I shrugged the visual away, and after that, the action was almost too easy. The passion I had felt, the hatred, the regret, no longer burned within me. I was now fuelled by a cold indifference. A couple of wires, a rev of the engine, and I was on my way to beg for death's sweet embrace.


End file.
